Nothing is more disheartening than constantly reaching for your partner, only to feel as though their heart is not in it. Not only does this leave you sad, confused, and left feeling unwanted, it can cause a toxic push-pull dynamic that is no good for anyone.
So, you’ve been in a new relationship for the past few months, but it seems no matter how hard you try, you are always the one doing all the work. You text them, only to be left on hold for hours.
When you see them later that day, they shrug it off and seem completely disconnected from you. You don’t want to seem clingy, but you feel lost on how to handle your partner’s very abrasive nature in the relationship.
While you can’t quite put your finger on it, it feels like this person just isn’t emotionally available. Here are some major indicators that your partner is not attached to you and is instead emotionally unavailable.
1. They seem uncomfortable when you show emotion.
Any time you show any form of emotion, they seem uncomfortable. They don’t care too much to talk about sad things or share exciting moments with you. When it comes down to it, they are pretty blasé about everything.
2. They do not open up about the past.
When you try to ask them questions about their past, they always change the subject or brush it off. No matter how much you share with them, they never want to go into anything about themselves other than the obvious.
While it is normal for people to take time to open up entirely, it’s necessary to at the very least make strides to get to know the person you are in a relationship with. Unless you do, there will never be a truly intimate bond.
3. They tend to stay in the shallow end.
People who are emotionally unavailable do not tend to talk about deeper subjects. Instead, they like to keep things cordial and above the surface. However, this can make it difficult to form an attachment.
4. They’re not consistently affectionate.
Sometimes they are affectionate, but not on a regular basis. If the only time they are affectionate is when sex is on the table, there is a major problem at hand. In order for true intimacy to be achieved, affection cannot just be for the purpose of sex.
5. They are always blowing you off.
Whenever you make plans, they blow you off. You are always getting left on hold, and when you try to make plans, either they can’t make it or choose not to.
6. They constantly misunderstand you.
Someone who is not forming an emotional attachment will constantly be on the wrong page. You may even feel like you live in two different worlds, and in all honesty, if they aren’t emotionally available, you are.
7. They invalidate your feelings.
Whenever you come to them with difficult emotions, they shut you down. “Oh, it’s not that bad; you’ll be fine. Stop crying.” Or, “I’ve been through way worse. You’ll be okay.” Dismissing someone’s emotions is never okay, and this is a major sign of emotional immaturity.
8. They are hot or cold.
In one moment, you may feel like they are attached, but in the next, they withdraw entirely. You never know where you stand with them, and things are always very inconsistent.