Having roommate syndrome can happen to anyone, even if they are married or in a long-term relationship. Things change, people change, and relationships change over time.
In the beginning of a relationship, things will be fresh and exciting, but eventually, they will wear off and reality will set in. After months of crazy love and passion, it can be hard to keep the fire going when the relationship comes back down to earth.
Shared values and life goals, compatibility, and good chemistry are all things that will help keep a relationship healthy and avoid roommate syndrome. Here are six signs to look for if you think you might have become roommates.
1. You have separate lives.
Remember how wonderful it seemed when you two would talk about your thoughts and dreams for hours on end? Things have changed a lot since then. It looks like you’re living separate lives now, with each of you following your own hobbies and interests.
You might not really dislike what the other person is doing, but you’re also not really interested either. When you get home, you might have a short catch-up talk with your partner before going off to do your own thing.
But this isn’t just about hobbies. It has to do with your whole daily life. You likely get up, eat, and even go to bed at different times. You can’t be living together because your plans are so different.
Being interested in different things isn’t a bad thing. We all need our own time and place, after all. But if you live separate lives and don’t share events together, it could mean that you’re more like roommates than spouses.
2. The art of intimacy is dying out.
It starts to feel more polite to kiss someone, while hugs are used less and less. On top of that, deep, heart-to-heart talks are becoming less usual.
Remember when you could talk about anything? These days, you shouldn’t talk about your dreams, but about the things you have to do every day.
3. Communication has become functional.
Even though practical things are important, your talks should be more than that. There should also be deep conversations and shocks in your relationship. There’s a chance that you’re treating each other more like roommates than partners if your conversations are empty and only about useful things.
4. No fighting
You two are always so nice to each other. It’s not that you should scream at each other, but if you don’t fight, there will be no emotion or fire.
You have checked out of your relationship when you don’t care about having a fight with your partner or when you stop talking to them because they bother you all the time. Since then, you are only living together.
5. There’s a Lack of Shared Goals
The trip you take together is one of the best things about being in a relationship. As a couple, having the same hopes, dreams, and goals can bring you closer together. What do you do when you understand that you no longer share those dreams?
It’s possible that you have different financial goals or that your career paths have changed. Your life goals might not be in line with each other anymore, and you may feel like you’re going in totally different ways.
The idea of “we,” or being together, seems to have been replaced by “I.” Your hopes and dreams are separate from each other, and it seems like you’re just sharing a place instead of making a life together. If this sounds like you, you may have changed your mind from being a spouse to being more like a roommate.
6. Lack of emotional support
When bad things happen in our lives, we often turn to our partners for comfort. If that help is taken away, though, what will happen?
Think about coming home from a long day at work and hoping for some calming words, a hug, or just someone to listen. But instead, you get a blank stare or a casual “that sucks.” For some reason, it seems like your partner is no longer interested in your mental health.
A red flag is when people aren’t there for each other when things get tough. In a romantic partnership, emotional support is very important. If you feel like you’re going through your mental storms by yourself even though you live together, it could mean that you don’t really live together.