Every time you check Facebook, it appears that someone has announced their engagement. The couple appears to have realised their ultimate fantasy. However, this fantasy is just that—a fantasy.
I spoke with Amy, a divorce expert who has been a qualified life and divorce coach for eight years. We talked about the magical day that all girls fantasise about, but the reality isn’t so spectacular. In reality, it’s quite bleak.
A wedding is an expensive and time-consuming event, but if the relationship does not continue, they will end up paying even more for a divorce. Divorce, according to Amy, is three to ten times the expense of a wedding.
Before saying “I do,” couples should contemplate the option of “I don’t.” According to a divorce expert, the following are four reasons why marriages fail:
1. A successful marriage requires more than just love.
As heartbreaking as it may sound, love has little to do with any marriage. The idea that “all you need is love” is merely a marketing strategy devised by wedding industry insiders.
Love, no matter how intense it feels at first, will eventually fade. Your interests and values will remain. Before you even consider making a long-term commitment, these two things must be in sync with your partner’s.
A marriage is designed to take place between people who have similar views so that they can work together to attain their common goal.
2. Marriage is a business transaction.
Nowadays, weddings are seen as extravagant ceremonies that require pricey rings, fancy gowns, and a team of professionals to attend to the minutiae. Weddings and marriages are portrayed as joyous celebrations full of love and butterflies.
Marriages used to be contracts between families. Women were traded for political or financial advantages. They are still just legal contracts from the perspective of the law today. When you marry, you legally bind yourself to the assets and debts of another individual. You are legally bound to divulge everything.
Amy predicts that if this is not understood from the start, you will have money arguments that could end in disaster.
3. Marriage is a golden cage.
Another harsh reality is that a woman is confined in a virtual cage from the minute she marries. This cage is intended to protect her and her children, but it is nonetheless restrictive.
Whether we like it or not, our spouse is a part of who we are in society. Unfortunately, many women lose their identities to the idea of marriage, and even after a divorce, it is difficult to reclaim those identities, according to Amy. Isn’t that lovely?
4. Women and men are still not treated equally.
Women have been thought to be equal to men since they gained the ability to vote. This must imply that marriages are a 50/50 proposition, right? Wrong. Our society clearly states that women are not equal to men, even if it conceals the message.
In today’s marriage, the woman is expected to work just as hard as the man. However, the patriarchal married couple stereotype persists in many homes. Amy believes that a woman may develop resentment towards these expectations over time, putting strain on the marriage.
So, is marriage a love-based, equal partnership? Unfortunately, according to Amy, not in many circumstances. Marriage is a legal transaction. Values, goals, and work delegation all play a role in whether or not a marriage will continue.
Fortunately, we live in a generation where marriage is not required for success. We have the option of marrying anyone we want (if we want to marry at all). And we have the resources to approach it in an informed and practical manner.If, after careful consideration, you still believe your marriage will last, you have my blessing.