Being in a relationship can be a beautiful thing. Conversely, being in a relationship can be pure hell. One thing is for sure: in many cases, certain behaviors make all the difference in the world.
Our habits have a lot to do with our overall quality of life, including the quality of our relationships. And while some relationships are simply doomed from the start, there are a lot of relationships that had great potential but didn’t follow through.
For example, two people who could have something as a couple can get together at the wrong time, make the wrong choices, and end up destroying the relationship. You may disagree, but the thing about love is that it doesn’t just happen, and then boom, here’s your happily ever after. If you believe that, you watch too much Disney.
For the rest of us, love is built. It takes time. It takes effort. There will be struggles, and honestly, you aren’t going to always like the person you are with. However, when you rise to the occasion with these relationship-destroying habits, then you are going to end up completely tanking the relationship. And this goes for both sides.
If you are doing a great job but your partner isn’t doing the work and instead is participating in relationship-destroying habits, then guess what? Unfortunately, it isn’t likely things are going to work out. If these behaviors are present in your relationship, it may be time to make a change.
A lot of people mistake obsession for love when the two things are not the same. Love comes from an authentic place. It’s acceptance, it’s understanding, and it’s respect.
Obsession is insecurity, distrust, and co-dependence. If someone wants to be with you every second of every day and gets upset because you need space and time to yourself, this is not love; it is an obsession. And obsession is a destroyer of relationships.
In the same vein as obsession, jealousy is a toxic relationship habit. To have a healthy and happy relationship, you have to have trust. Without trust, a relationship is doomed to failure.
Examples of jealousy are if you talk to a male friend and your boyfriend accuses you of cheating, or if your girlfriend sees you smile at the waitress as she takes the menu, and she immediately jumps to the conclusion that you must be sleeping with her. Beware of behaviors like this.
3. Fighting to win, not fighting to save the relationship
Another misconception I think a lot of people have is that when you are disagreeing with your partner when an argument begins, the point of the argument is to prove you are right.
If you are fighting to prove you are right, you aren’t fighting for the relationship. This is where the whole ‘choose your battles’ mentality comes into play.
4. Treating one another with contempt
If you ask the majority of relationship counselors, they are going to tell you that there is one behavior that stands out above the rest: contempt. When two people who are supposed to be in love only meet each other with anger, resentment, and bad energy, the relationship is not going to last.
5. Leaving your partner out
Let me be clear: I think it’s important for two people to have their own identity and life outside of the relationship.
However, when you never spend time with your partner and leave them out of everything, you are going down a bad road. Remember, balance is key.
Triangulation is often brought up when speaking in terms of narcissistic relationships, but the thing is, triangulation occurs in many relationships, not just narcissistic ones. Triangulation, put simply, is when you bring another person into your relationship problems. Here’s an example.
You and your partner are fighting. They don’t see where they are wrong. To prove that you are right, you call up your partner’s mom and explain what has happened.
Your partner’s mom calls up your partner and asks her what her problem is. This only ends up making your partner feel betrayed, and now personal problems are family news.